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Business in Wonderland

Examining small business and government management styles.

December 16, 2010 By Ed Sachs
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Shame on me for all the time it took to finally understand that those of us in the business world have been doing everything backwards. How silly of us all, really. Instead of thinking that government begin acting more like a business, we should have been running our businesses more like the government all along.

All of the Sachs Reports you have copied and saved need now be brought to the shredder and destroyed. You could, of course, simply send them over to Wikileaks and cut out the middleman. This would allow for open publication and more people could then identify how foolish I have been in my thinking these last few years. For my loyal readers who are already well aware of my foolishness, this might prove to be a bit redundant.

The suggestion here is that as soon as you have your newly elected board of directors in place, you would simply have them send the following down to the accounting team:

Your business will now allocate $350,000 in the budget to study how much business you have lost by not allowing customers who owe you money to continue to order and ship. A most important impact study indeed!

You will allocate $1.2 million for corporate office improvements that bring private employee restrooms and Zen centers.

Another $300,000 will be budgeted for repainting the parking spaces, allowing employees to park close to the business and customer parking to be moved further away from it. After all, the employees are always coming to the business, while you never really know when a customer will walk through the doors.

There would be an allocation of $600,000 for employees' personal trainers in an effort to cut down the number of overweight people who keep jacking up the insurance rates for the rest of us who know how to take care of ourselves properly .

The newly elected board of directors would allocate $700,000 to the budget for a covered employee walkway from the parking area to their offices. This would surely be money well spent, despite the fact you now have them parking closer to the building due to the earlier "repainting" budget allotment. But there is nothing quite like government spending to the point of double-billing and cost overruns, is there?

Certainly your business would never be as callous as to not provide for your employees' education and training. Therefore, the directors would put off-book a "set-a-side" $9.2 million to provide the necessary training and up-fitting of the company's line employees and entry-level management.

 
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Most Recent Comments:
Scott Whitaker - Posted on December 16, 2010
Ed, I always look forward to your report.
The status quo and general mentality of our society is pretty discouraging.
Your effort to wake everyone up to the realities of doing business is providing a much needed service.

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Archived Comments:
Scott Whitaker - Posted on December 16, 2010
Ed, I always look forward to your report.
The status quo and general mentality of our society is pretty discouraging.
Your effort to wake everyone up to the realities of doing business is providing a much needed service.